


Doubts are traitors

by Pureblood_Slytherin



Series: Endstation Vergangenheit - Thrawn/Maris [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Outbound Flight - Timothy Zahn
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Jealousy, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 14:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17510246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pureblood_Slytherin/pseuds/Pureblood_Slytherin
Summary: Set in the "Endstation Vergangenheit" universe. Maris has to face some fears. Marriage to the Grand Admiral isn't that easy.





	Doubts are traitors

**“Doubts are traitors” (William Shakespear)**

“You may sit anywhere in this part, Mrs. Ferasi.” The waiter said and showed her an area with elegantly set tables at the further end of the palace’s banquette hall.  
She was about to turn around and say that there had been a misunderstanding, when she saw a friendly-looking, elderly woman waving her over.  
“You can sit here.” The woman said. “I take this is your first time?”  
Maris nodded shyly. “Yes…I usually avoid such events.”  
“Understandable. They can be a bit much. Come on, sit down. We won’t bite.”  
Maris looked around once more. Not a familiar face, the invitation did not include a table number and did she really want to go there? With there she meant where the Imperial elite gathered. The Moffs, the politicians, royals from different systems and the rich and famous in general. No, she did not. She hated them and she hated the way they made her feel.

Maris smoothed her dress with her hands and then sat down.  
“Thank you.”  
Her dress was dark green, with simple golden lines that perfectly shaped her body. She wore her dark hair loose, except for one small section that she had pulled up with a golden clasp on the right. With it, she wore emerald earrings set on gold, matching her eyes. Back in the city flat, she had thought she looked good, but looking at the women here, made her stomach turn. There was no shortage of young women of extreme beauty. They had sleek figures, long, thick hair, radiant skin, perfect teeth, full lips and round, inviting eyes. _Welcome to court…._

The wine was served and Maris started to mingle with the people at her desk. The elderly woman was the heiress of a smaller Delicium mine in the Outer Rim, the man next to her was the owner of a private bank on Canto Bight and so on. People of means, for sure, but well below her husband’s status. When it was Maris’ turn she just shrugged and said.  
“My husband works for the Emperor.”  
Which was true. She wasn’t sure if the truth would scare or fascinate them. Both options weren’t great in her opinion. Once people knew, who her husband was, they usually behaved differently, so this was nice for a change.

The speeches were long and tiresome, but the food was fantastic and plentiful with all kinds of dishes: fish, pork, beef, noodles, rice, potatoes, and chicken, you name it; it was all there. And each and every table had it’s own, kind waiter serving whatever you wanted. Maris chose some Alderaanian wine. If the Emperor was paying, why not let him bleed?

After a while, she actually saw him. At a bar, chatting with some men she didn’t know, a beautiful brunette at his side. Maris reached for her red wine glass and finished it with one gulp. The curse of a naval wife: to look at every woman her husband had contact with and to wonder if he was sleeping with her. Well, maybe not every naval wife. She handed the glass to the waiter and had it refilled, before glancing at the young woman’s body once more. His hand was on her waist now. _Sith…_  
Maris was well aware of her age, she had been 41 when he had asked her to marry him and that had been years ago. Unconsciously, her hand touched the petite golden bracelet on her left, which featured the engraving “Will you marry me? Mitth'raw'nuruodo” inside. It had been a present after the birth of their second daughter. In her hormone-overdosed state, she had said “yes” without a second thought. Via comlink. Maris shook her head. This was so typical for their relationship – whenever something really important came up, he wasn’t there.

“Do you see that man over there?” Leticia, the owner of a Coruscanti women’s magazine, suddenly asked.  
Maris shook her head. “No.”  
“That is Milton Rice from PLI, one of the main phaser producers. It is said he makes more credits than a Grand Moff. A VERY eligible bachelor.” She grinned. “Imagine how that would be… having that much money.”  
“I would imagine they have the same problems as everyone else.” Maris answered diplomatically.  
_If not more._ She added in her mind, while her eyes drilled into the young woman’s back and then flicked over to her husband again. He wasn’t aging like she was. Yes, he was getting older too, but at a considerably slower pace. She couldn’t really be angry with him sharing his bed with other women, could she? She was getting old… This was affecting her much more than she liked to admit.

Maybe she shouldn’t have come. Or maybe it was good that she had… Looking at it from a distance.  
Lost in thoughts, she played with her food, when she suddenly noticed that something had changed. The chatter around her seemed to have died.  
When she looked up again, she saw him coming over. So, he had noticed her after all…  
“What are you doing here?” he asked in that perfectly modulated voice of his.  
“You asked me to come.”  
“I know, but I meant _here_. Our table is over there.” He mentioned towards the dance floor, into the general direction of the so-called elite.  
“I was misplaced, but I decided that I like the view and company.” She smiled to the elderly woman next to her.  
“Besides, it is interesting what you see from a different perspective.”  
He was silent for a while.  
“I am sure it is….” The Chiss said then. “Well, if the mountain will not come to the prophet…” He smiled and then looked at the other guests at the table. “Grand Admiral Thrawn, Imperial Navy. I hope you do not mind if I join my wife.”  
He did not wait for an answer and simply pulled over an empty chair from another table. But naturally, they did not. Having a Grand Admiral at their table was probably the last thing they’d expected. It would be the event of the month for most of them and Maris was sure they would listen very carefully to each word they said. Especially Leticia. How she hated Coruscant… It was always about power and money and who knows who.

“I thought you would not make it.”  
“I said I would try.”  
“Which is usually your nice way of saying no.”  
“I had a change of heart.”  
“I am glad.” He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. “I doubt I would have made it home. The Emperor needs my presence on Coruscant for another day. And then I have to leave again.”  
“The usual.”  
“Yes.”  
She searched his face for a sign of emotion, but as usual, there wasn’t any. How much of what he did was trained behavior in accordance with human expectations? How much was true? Sometimes she dreaded the answer.  
“Is Lenya here too?”  
Maris shook her head.  
“No, she has work to do. Some paper about an isolated offshoot of humanity they found somewhere at the edge of the known galaxy. She has got it into her head to join a research team and help with the translation. Apparently, that will help her with her paper.” Maris sighed. “I hope they won’t take her. The whole thing sounds… dangerous. Anyway, she is at home now, studying and babysitting.”  
“Too bad. I would have liked her here.”  
“Don’t.”  
“Don’t what?”  
Maris smiled.  
“Don’t push it. You know as well as I do that she doesn’t want to be here.”  
“She is missing out on some good opportunities.”  
“She will do without.” Yes, Lenya was more like her. At least most of the time. Kajri* was… different. She liked to stand in the center of attention. Maybe her husband would find her more willing to enter the lion’s den, commonly known as Imperial Court, but only time would tell.  
"Would you care to dance?"  
"No, thanks. I haven't done it in such a long time... I wouldn't feel comfortable with so many eyes on me."  
He nodded.  
"Hiding here, I cannot say I am surprised. There will be another speech by the Emperor in about 20 minutes. Afterwards, we can go, if you want to."  
"Yes, I would like that very much."

***

They left her speeder at the garage and went back to the flat in a stylish, black and silver speeder.  
"Is it new?" Maris asked and let her hand glide over the command display on her left. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the chauffer watching her.  
"Yes, KDY is attempting a civilian line and I thought I should try this one. It has some nice little gadgets."  
"Knowing you, it's probably an arsenal of sophisticated toys of mass destruction against both, man and nature, alike." Maris said and smiled playfully.  
"And even after all those years, you entertain a pretty bad opinion of me. What have I done to deserve this, my dear?"  
A slow, devilishly charming smile softened his otherwise stern features. Yes, what had he done? Nothing. He had done absolutely nothing. He had had his hand on a woman's waist. That's what you do when you push someone aside. Or when you dance with someone. It was by no means a sign that he had slept with her. She was jealous, not of that woman in particular, but in general. Maybe it wasn't even jealousy, but the fear of a decrease of his love or insecurity. Or everything combined. This planet was driving her mad.  
"Nothing." She leaned over and placed a short kiss on his lips.  
"Good. I was beginning to worry... Do you realize this is the first time in years without the girls?"  
Maris smiled and looked down on her hands.  
"Yes... it feels strange, doesn't it? I really had to force myself not to check the comlink at every given opportunity, making sure that the house isn't on fire."  
She laughed and then the speeder slowed down, before it stopped completely, on a grey, elevated platform.  
"We have arrived, Sir."  
"Thank you, Peltor."

***

It was a nice flat. Small, but with everything you needed, at a good location. But it also had something of a bachelor's den. The kitchen was pure decoration, the living rooms featured a bar with strong, dark alcohol in crystal bottles and the office seemed to be a collection of everything the Chiss valued: Old books, some strange looking artifacts and sculptures and, to Maris' surprise, a whole range of military prices and medals inside a glass cabinet.  
"I had no idea about this. It looks quite….impressive."  
"Not really. Would you mind?" Another call.

Wordlessly Maris left the room and went back to the bedroom, opening her suitcase. Strange to think that after all these years, this was the first time she actually saw her husband’s flat in the capital. She took out her pajama and threw it on the bed before undressing. Then she went into the bathroom, brushed her teeth, went back into the bedroom, gripped her tiny toilet bag, opened the nightstand’s drawer and froze. Condoms. Wordlessly she picked them up and turned them around. They hadn't been opened yet. When she heard footsteps, she hastily threw the condoms back into the drawer and quickly closed it, placing a forced smile on her lips.  
"Anything the matter?"  
"No." She shook her head and then headed towards the kitchen. "I just need to … to get something."

In the kitchen, she placed her head against the fridge. Condoms. They didn't use condoms. Why would he have them here? What kind of stupid question was that?! Because he needed them! But why leave them so openly? He hadn't thought she would come... No, her husband was an exceptionally good liar. If he had not wanted her to see them, he would have removed them somehow after they had entered the flat. So he wanted her to know. Maris took out a bottle of water and suppressed the need to smash it against the next wall.  
Sith! What was she supposed to do now? Confront him? Pretend she hadn't seen them? She didn't know. There was so much she didn't know about him. He was always gone and with the kids...there wasn't much time to think. Maris stared at the bedroom door. She couldn't go in there now.  
So she did the most stupid thing ever, she searched for further evidence of infidelity. If she was about to make a scene, she would need more than a packet of condoms as proof.

She started in the sitting room and casually opened drawer after drawer, before going into the office again. Was she even allowed to be here? Alone? She was sure there was more than one file in this office she was not allowed to see, but she couldn't care less. Maris started with the desk. Nothing, but two drawers couldn't be opened. Then she skimmed through the books and glanced into two boxes, before she noticed his comlink in its charging station. He had gotten a text. No. She really, really shouldn't do this. She shouldn’t even _consider_ this. She would betray his trust and it was so stereotypical…. Yes, because it worked! Maris reached out for the comlink. Of course, the fingerprint scanner wouldn't work, but there was always the password option. Six numbers, something that was easy to remember. Three tries before it would deny access completely and shut down. First try: Access denied. Second try...maybe....No. Access denied. Damn! Now or never. Kajira's birthday. The screen opened. _Fuck..._

The last message opened automatically.

 _"I'm still waiting for your call._  
_The Emperor's speech can't be THAT long._  
_Eli."_

Who was Eli? Maris clicked on the name. 126 old messages. 126?! She probably hadn't written him 126 messages in the last three years! She opened another.

 _"No. But it's bound to happen. Don't worry._  
_I'm counting the days till I’m back on Coruscant and then we go out. No excuses this time!_  
_Sunday, at the Colonnade 20:00 hours._  
_You owe me!_  
_Eli."_

 _And then we go out?!! Tomorrow evening?!_ Looks like her dear husband had been VERY sure that she wouldn’t show up. This was too much! Maris put the comlink back and then returned into the kitchen, were she took a deep breath and tried to calm down. She had no idea who Eli or what Eli was. And as far as she could see he hadn’t acknowledged their “date” yet. And how could he? Inviting her to come here and then go out with someone else! Somehow this calming down was working.  
_Deep breath, Maris. Just take a deep breath…_  
And she shouldn’t have taken that comlink. That had been a mistake. Big mistake. She really, really shouldn't have done that. Sith...  
Maris returned to the fridge and this time took out a bottle of red wine. If nothing else, this would help her to fall asleep.

He was already drowsing when she entered the bedroom.  
"Where have you been?” He asked through half-closed eyes. “Come here."  
The Chiss pulled her towards him and covered her with the large, white blanket. Soon after, the lights were out. Maris lay with her head on his chest and listened to his rhythmic breathing. Yesterday, she would have felt at peace in this position. Secure and comfortable. Now she was not. Her mind was on fever. He was cheating on her. Probably in this very bed. He had never said he loved her. Maris bit her lower lip. Thrawn never based his decisions on emotions; he had not married her because he loved her. He had married her because it had been the right thing to do. Because they had been in an intimate relationship, because they got along, because they had a past and mostly because of Kajira. Sith, he spoiled that girl beyond common sense or reason. Maris looked at his handsome face. She loved him - enough to pretend that everything was alright? Enough to tolerate a mistress? For a second she wondered how marriage arrangements were on Csilla. They had talked about it – briefly, years ago. But not about that particular aspect. Maybe it was common for them to have a wife and a mistress. She should have drunken another glass…  
Ah... so he was not asleep either, Maris thought when she felt him pulling her up, starting to kiss her throat.  
"No." She pulled out of his embrace and turned around. "I want to sleep."

***

Her husband had woken her rather early, 05:00 to be precise, and then he had come up with a rather unusual idea to spend the morning and that was actually all they had, as the whole afternoon was reserved for the Emperor. Thrawn had suggested going to a large flea market in the lower levels of Coruscant that took place every Sunday morning along one of the smaller rivers, called Vechte.

After a quick breakfast, they changed, however, Maris thought that “disguised” was a far more appropriate word for it, as her husband was dressed all in black with a robe, whose hood hit most of his face, except when you stood directly in front of him and he wore sunglasses. Without the hood and with sunlight, this might actually have been a nice outfit, but considering where they were heading, it was a disguise. Surely nobody would recognize him like this. And underneath the wide robe, he hit more than one blaster. Maris playfully pulled the hood back.  
“If I hadn’t already fallen in love with you, I would now.”  
The sentence was out before she could think twice. But it was true. Black looked better on him than white did. And a lot better than olive-green. One positive point of skipping that part of his life. She had fallen in love with him wearing a black and silver uniform. Probably the memories subconsciously influenced her. And sunglasses were always sexy. Sometimes it still felt unreal that the man in front of her was actually her husband. When they had met, a perceived lifetime ago, she had thought that a man like him could never be interested in someone like her. After they had made love for the first time she had told herself not to fall in love with him as he was probably only interested in her because she was the only human female around. Something new and different. And even now she couldn’t fight her doubts.  
“Glad to hear it.” He said and brought his head down for a kiss, before walking over to the kitchen table, checking the credits chips. “But wearing sunglasses is not that easy for me. If there is one thing I do not need, it is sunglasses. Except for occasions like this. I had these here made a long time ago to fit my needs.” On second glance they actually looked different. A bit greenish too.  
“You could wear contact lenses.” Maris suggested, but he shook his head.  
“I tried that once and have no desire to repeat that incident. My eyes burned and watered for hours.”  
“Finally I know what it takes to make you cry.” Maris joked and tried the sunglasses on. She couldn’t see a thing with them.  
She herself wore a belted, black leather jumpsuit, with high boots and a matching jacket. A bit too tight for her liking, but it too, would not stand out down there. Not that anyone would recognize her. Ever since she had agreed to marry him, they had been very careful to not put her in the media’s spotlight.  
“Here.” He handed her some credits. “Only use cash down there.”

***

Maris hadn’t been that excited in a long time. The lower levels of Coruscant were famous or better infamous and full of scoundrels and criminals. She had never been here before, but everyone knew the stories.  
“I never thought you would be one for flea markets.” Maris held his hand tighter and looked around once more. This was nothing like Corellia. And the longer they were down here, the place felt downright scary. Unfortunately, those interlevel-turbolifts were not at every corner and they still had to walk for some time until they would reach their destination.  
“Usually, I would agree, but this flea market is different. I have found some incredible things here.”  
They walked through some very shady streets. Everything down here had dark colors - grey, gunmetal, brown, black and there was hot and smelly stream coming out of the many skyscrapers ventilation-shafts. In dark corners were go-go bars and in others you could see scantily clad Twi'lek whores standing on the street, trying to get you into one of their tiny rooms for sex. Every now and then there were children with crippled limbs, begging for money.  
“No.” The Chiss held her back when she wanted to give one of them some credits.  
“These children often work for criminal organizations. They will rob you in the next street if they think you are a worthy target. They are crippled on purpose to generate human empathy.”  
Shocked she let him pull her away and further down the next street. The gangs weren’t the only robbers down here. People on fast speederbikes overtook the general public and tried to steal from them whatever they could and there were hustlers in every corner offering to exchange money. And there were massage houses, tea-houses, gambling bars and little street stands where you could buy firesticks, booze, and food. Every now and then, they saw death sticks victims in a semi-conscious state wondering around or just lying in the street and there were kids too, boys and girls of different species, that were sold for sex. Maris felt her stomach crunch as she saw an elderly man taking one of the boys inside a dirty looking house. _That perverted piece of shit!_  
Down here money was all that counted. No…It was the same as above, but here the gloves were off. Here was no pretending. Still…

“I don’t believe this. How can the Empire want to control the galaxy if it cannot even control the capital.”  
“Bad comparison.” They turned into another street. “And it is the same in all major cities, never mind the government. Money attracts, not only the rich.”  
“But can’t you stop this somehow?”  
“Some people like it. And if you _really_ wanted to clean this up, you would need a full orbital bombardment. I doubt the Emperor would be amused.”  
He gave her a rare smile. “And it is not all that grim. We keep a close eye on the Hutt Cartel and the Spice Lords.”  
“What about child abuse?”  
He slowed down and turned around.  
“Maris, what do you want me to do? Go in there and die?” He sighed. “This here is street crime. It is a problem, but it is impossible to wipe out. Especially in cities as large as Coruscant and were crime has such a long tradition. The family clans here have a lot of power. Sometimes, the Empire strikes a deal with them.” He held up his hands when he saw Maris inhaling for another argument.  
“Yes, I know what you want to say. But as inconvenient as it is, it is the only way. These people here are just pawns, easily sacrificed and replaced. It would be far worse without the Empire, I guarantee you that.“ He reached for her hand.  
“Come on now and try not to think about it too much. The market is fun. I promise.” Sometimes it scared her how easily he could detach himself for the suffering of individuals. From the small boy or the young women, selling their bodies for 30 credits. Surely their dreams of the capital had been different…

After a while, the street opened up to a dirty river, along whose shore dozens and dozens of street stalls were lined up. It was incredibly long and every now and then there were food stalls as well.  
“Is this legal?”  
“Yes and no. Depends on what you buy.”  
Maris looked at what looked like burned-out ship parts.  
“And what exactly are we looking for.”  
“I know that when I see it. I am interested in a wide range of things. Technology from the Clone Wars, Jedi artifacts, art, books. You cannot imagine what ignorant people sometimes discard off.”  
Maris studied his face. She had known him long enough to realize that he really enjoyed this. Another thing she hadn’t known and would never have guessed. Usually, her husband just brought new and high end. But here he was, actually bargaining for a vase that was cheap anyway. After a while, the Toydarian gave up and looked really unhappy.  
“Why did you do that?” Maris asked, while putting the vase into her black backpack.  
“Because it is part of their tradition and they would probably notice that we do not belong here if I did not bargain.”  
Maris shook her head. For Thrawn, it was definitely not the price that he liked, but the hunt and the surprise finds and sometimes even the history of the pieces and how they had ended up here.  
“During my travels, I have seen many flea markets, but none compared to Coruscant so far.” Suddenly, he knelt down and studied … something. It looked like an old piece of metal to Maris and she would have thrown it away had she found it somewhere. He was really excited, for a Chiss that was... It felt good to see him happy.

Two hours later, they sat down and had lunch. And to Maris’ surprise, she had also brought some things: A tiny, round silver jewelry box, covered with roses, an old book full of poems and a necklace – fashion jewelry. Thrawn hated it, which made it all the more fun to buy.

At first Maris thought it to be a joke when her husband had suggested to eat here. The restaurant looked cheap and tacky and offered mostly foreign take-away. Its well-used, tacky, digital menu cards, were available in four languages, which suggested that the owner hoped to snag one-time diners from the competition next door and the multi-colored plastic chairs, did not add to the immediate charm of the place. The prices were…. very reasonable and the tableware was made out of plastic too. All in all, one could easily call the place cheap and cheerless. But at a second glance the tiny restaurant was busy with many local customers, which probably meant that the food was good.

“I am quite happy this place still exists. I was a regular customer here, during my Academy days.”  
“You don’t often talk about your time here.” Maris said, taking the first bite. The food was surprisingly good.  
“Being the only non-human in my year was not much fun. By now things have gotten better. At least, that is what I have been told.”  
He put his sunglasses up and looked at the stalls.  
“This feels a bit like a blast from the past. I have wanted to come here again for a long time, but time is short and priorities have shifted.” His eyes met her’s. Ah, so that’s when she had entered the picture. She briefly wondered whether he considered this was good or bad.  
"I wonder how you ended up here. It’s just...not something I thought you would do."  
"Quite right. I probably would not. I had a friend who suggested it. We came here often.” A sad smile appeared on his face. “I guess not all my Academy days were bad."  
And there it was again - that strange feeling. He missed that person. Maris couldn’t help but wonder if this friend was female.  
"Oh...Are you still in contact?" _Why couldn’t she just leave it? What could she possibly earn with this?_  
"We have not seen each other in a long time."  
She was only hurting herself. And she was so good at it. So they _were_ in contact. She had struck something here. She could feel it. Call it female intuition or whatever. Was this the 126-messages “Eli”? The one who wanted to go out with her husband tonight? The text had suggested that she hadn’t been on Coruscant for a long time.  
“How come?”  
“Work took us to different places in the galaxy. But that was a long time ago.” He checked his chrono. “We have to go. I have an appointment with Imperial High Command in two hours.”

***

Back in the flat, after they had changed again, Maris decided to take action. She had to know where she stood.  
“In hindsight, that trip was rather fun.” She approached him, put her hands around his neck and then placed a shy kiss on his lips.  
“I had almost forgotten how that feels. No kids. Just the two of us.”  
He pulled her closer and his hands ran down her back.  
“I know, but I have to go.”  
“I wasn’t talking about now, but tonight. How long will you be gone?”  
_Just say you’ll be back at 6pm or 8pm. Please!_  
“I cannot say. These things can take longer.”  
Not that long. Maris thought bitterly. Was she really surprised? Everything in the last bloody 24 hours had told her that she should NOT be surprised. Just face it, Maris! The time for self-deception is over.  
Almost automatically she let go of him.  
“If you say so.”

***

Eli sat at one of the many tables in an elegant restaurant, while he looked out of the window into the many lights of Coruscant. He had never thought he would be happy to see this place again. He had never really liked Coruscant, but after years in Chiss Space, even Coruscant felt warm and welcoming.  
“I’m sorry for the inconvenience, Sir. But the Grand Admiral asked for a less public place.” Eli raised an eyebrow.  
“Alright.”  
He stood up and followed the waiter into the back, where the more secluded tables were.  
“Right here, Mr. Vanto.”  
“Thank you.”  
He turned around the corner and smiled.

“Thrawn.”  
“Eli.”  
He wasn’t sure how to approach him. It had been so many years and here he sat before him, in full regalia. They had been friends and had gone through so much…still, it felt strange.  
To his surprise, it was the Chiss, who broke the ice first, stood up and reached for his hand, while putting the other one on his shoulder.  
“It is good to see you again, my friend.”  
The human repeated the gesture.  
“It’s good to see you, too. Gosh, you have no idea how good it feels to be back.”  
The wine was already on the table and Eli took a sip, before remembering his table manners.  
“Damn. Sorry. I spend too much time in the more uncivilized corners of the universe.”  
A small smile appeared on the Chiss’ face.  
“A peculiar lack of courtesy among my people, I myself have been wondering about on many occasions.”  
He raised his glass.  
“Welcome back home.”  
“Thanks.”  
Eli evidently enjoyed the wine and it didn’t take long until he felt more comfortable around his old friend again.  
“Any particular reason you showed up in uniform? It scares some people out of their wits. Me included.”  
“Logistics mostly. But going back to change might very well have caused some inconvenience.”  
“Greater than everyone staring at us? Forcing us to eat in this broom closet?”  
“Considerably so.”  
Eli felt the need to swear. Whatever hope he might have harbored about his friend opening up a little over time, seemed to have been in vain.

Throughout dinner they exchanged data. Well, mostly it was Eli who talked about the on-goings in the Chiss Ascendancy and how they had managed to prevent a civil war.  
“You provided great service to my people, my friend. Under great personal sacrifice, I might add. For which I am more than grateful.”  
“Your people are not the most friendly breed I have ever seen, but great personal sacrifice would go a bit far. I have learned a lot and it was quite an adventure. Besides, I was greatly rewarded for my efforts. Thank you.”  
“It is well deserved. What do you plan to do with the money?”  
“Since I can’t go back into service, I will invest in my family’s company. I always wanted to work in Logistics and I have seen a fair share of the galaxy by now. I think I can make this work again. My father will be happy too.”  
“So the lost son finally returns?”  
“I have always had a good relationship with my family and I can only imagine what they have been gone through.”  
He studied the Chiss.  
“I can see now how hard it must have been for you, alone under all those emotional humans.” Eli placed another data crystal on the table and slowly pushed it over.  
“You always said you wanted to return some day. That day may have come.”  
Thrawn pushed the crystal back to Eli.  
“I do not wish to know.”  
The lack of comprehension was written all over the human’s face.  
“Why? I mean this is it. Your chance to go back home.”  
“I am home.”  
Home? The Chiss had never hidden the fact that this was not his home. The Empire was a necessary evil to fulfill his promise to protect his “home”, his people. He had always struggled with humanities many unpredictable emotions and Eli could only guess that he might have been lonely. Just like he had been on Csilla.  
“I don’t understand.”  
“My situation has changed. I cannot go.”  
“Stop talking in riddles!”  
“I am married.”  
“What?!” His jaw nearly dropped to the table as he stared at the Chiss in utter disbelief. “You’re married?!”  
“Yes.”  
“And you didn’t tell me?!”  
“There was no need to inform you.”  
“I’m your best friend!”  
“You are my only friend.” Under different circumstances Eli would have laughed, now his `friend´, could be happy that he didn’t lose it right here.  
“I always told you like….well _everything_!”  
“And I still find that rather odd. Humans tend to share too much about themselves, but it appeared like it made you feel better.”  
“I don’t believe it!” He said stunned. “You’re married… Is she…human?”  
“Yes.”  
He had married a human!….. Unbelievable…. On the other hand, the Chiss may have had his problems with humans, but he had always been fascinated with them.  
“I could not persuade her to leave Corellia in favor of Coruscant, so I doubt my chances will rise if I were to suggest Csilla instead.”  
“So you’re living on Corellia now?”  
“Yes. It is a little inconvenient as my travels are bound to take me to Coruscant, but it is how it is. At the moment, however, she is here.”  
“Why didn’t you bring her along then?” Eli asked, while the Chiss finished his wine. He would have loved to see the woman that had managed to crack the stoic figure in front of him.  
“Because I wanted to meet you alone. For personal reasons, but also because you had to understand that I do not want her to be a part of this. The less she knows about my dealings in the Unknown Regions the better. As far as she is concerned, my bridges to Csilla are burned and you never set foot there. That knowledge would only put my family at risk.”  
“Your WHAT?!”  
This conversation would take a lot longer than anticipated.

***  
Ten minutes later and he would have missed her.  
Maris stood in the bedroom, packing her suitcase.  
“What are you doing?”  
“I’m leaving you.”  
“Specify what exactly you mean with `leaving you´.” The Chiss curiously looked around and then carelessly threw the keycard on the table.  
“You know exactly what that means.”  
He shook his head in disbelieve and then sat down in the black, leather armchair next to the small glass table. A couple of hours ago she had suggested a nice evening and now she wanted what? A divorce? How had that happened? He remembered one occasion when he had been talking to Captain Pellaeon about his many, albeit unsuccessful, relationships and the old man had just laughed and said that he never really understood how human females worked. Back then he had found that sentence rather strange. After all, they belonged to the same species and so far his marriage to Maris had worked surprisingly well, but this was far and beyond his comprehension! Was this the first time he was confronted with the infamous female hormone-swings? Or had he committed some terrible crime he was not aware of?  
“Would you mind telling me why?”  
“You know why.”  
“I do not.”  
Maris sighed.  
“Alright. Where have you been?”  
“This sounds more like an interrogation than an explanation.”  
“Don’t get smart with me. Where have you been?”  
“At work.”  
“Liar.”  
Yes, it was a lie. One for her own protection, still…  
“What makes you say so?”  
“Female intuition.”  
_What was that? Some kind of Force thing he wasn’t aware of?_  
She smiled shortly and closed the suitcase.  
“And the fact that I called the Palace to know when your briefing was over. And guess what? It stopped hours ago and they said you had left at about 18:00 hours. So where have you been?”  
“With an old friend. The invitation came late and I owed him.”  
“Of course, people always lie to their spouses when they meet an old friend. You owe me too, you know? I am your wife. What did you think I would do? Wait here, like a dutiful, naïve housewife?” There was a pregnant pause. “I love you, but I can’t do this.”  
“What are you saying?”  
“I am saying that I know why you have a packet of condoms in your drawer.”  
_What?!_  
"So unless I am reading your poorly hidden accusations incorrectly, you are accusing me of having an affair?"  
"Not necessarily an affair."  
"Just sleeping around then?"

Maris heard a hollow bark of disbelief and held her breath.  
"And your accusation is based on what? Snooping around in the flat? Or reading my text messages while I am asleep? Did you think I wouldn’t notice?.... At least now I know why you did it. How could you ever make yourself believe that such a move could benefit our relationship?” He finally stood up and confronted her. With his 1,90m he literally towered over her.  
“I do not have the time to go shopping, Maris. Everything in this flat is based on some computer program I do not care about and I cannot always tell you where I go and what I do!” He shook his head and then ran a hand through his hair. “You knew that when you married me."  
She couldn't say a word and looked down at her hands. His words cut deep and she was not used to fighting with him.  
There was a deep sigh.  
"I am not having an affair and I am not sleeping around either."  
He laughed a humorless laugh and then turned around, removing his uniform jacket and throwing it onto the bed.  
“How can you think I would even have the time for that? And how do you imagine it? Romantic liaisons with my staff on board the Chimaera? Promotion in return for sexual favors? I would face prosecution in no time. Or just some court mistress here in Coruscant after endless hours of debriefing?" He shook his head and then added quietly. "She would have to be one hell of a woman to do something so stupid."  
“I…I’m sorry. It's just...you're always gone and...and...it's not easy...” She was about to lose it. She could already feel the tears gathering in her eyes. She had been so stupid.  
When he came over, he took her into his arms and lifted her chin.  
"Look at me, you fool. Do you really think I would risk losing you and the kids over twenty minutes of hollow pleasure?" He stared into her eyes for what felt like an eternity.  
"You mean more to me than you can ever imagine, Maris Ferasi.”  
“I…” He silenced her with a kiss then. And it was no ordinary kiss. It was the kind of kiss at the end of epic holomovies, when the hero and heroine finally made it past all the obstacles and were on their way to happy ever after.  
“I have the only woman I need, right here.”

THE END

 

A/N:  
\- *Actually, I wanted to call her Ferun (that’s an old German for “Joy”). But Ferun Ferasi sounds terrible. Thus, I went for Kajri, which is Indian for “Star”.).  
\- I always wanted Eli to know about Maris because I found it strange that Eli never wondered/asked where Thrawn had learned Basic in first place. I mean his Basic was already pretty good when Eli was assigned as his aid. We all know it was because of Jori and Maris, but Zahn never wrote anything about that in “Thrawn” the novel.  
\- Furthermore, I really wanted to write this jealousy thing. It just felt natural to me that that might become a problem sooner or later.  
\- And today I remembered the first time I read the "Thrawn Trilogy" and looking up the word "thrawn" (back then I was still a child and my English was as good as non-existing, so I was reading the German translation of the novel). Anyway, back then I found out that “thrawn” is a Scottish adjective for: twisted; perverse and ill-tempered. I wasn't really sure what to make of that and by the end of the trilogy, I was none the wiser. Thrawn isn’t ill-tempered. Perverse? I hope not! But what about twisted? The Collins Dictionary says "If you describe a person as twisted, you dislike them because you think they are strange in an unpleasant way." Well, I like Thrawn. He is a villain with no superpowers, except his brain and he does the logical/necessary thing to achieve his goal. And then there is "to have a twisted mind", but that's so far from his character…. In the end, I concluded that Zahn never knew that "thrawn" is a Scottish adjective. Have you ever wondered about that? I mean the "Mitth'raw'nuruodo" thing came years later. Just wondering...  
\- Well, I hope you liked it! If so, please let me know. :) I might add more to this story if I feel like it. So many opportunities for good mini-stories. ;)


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